Completing the Stress Cycle - Part 2
The Stress Response
Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn
Stress isn't just a one-size-fits-all experience; it comes in different flavors, each triggering unique responses within us.
Your body responds differently to stress for many different reasons. Sometimes, it’s an innate response for survival, other times it’s a learned response from childhood. Each type of response is there to keep you alive.
Let’s look at the different ways our body reacts to stress. The “freeze” and “fawn” responses are often overlooked but can be a common response for many people.
If you tend to find yourself forgetting your own needs and taking care of others, take a close look at the "Fawn" response. This is where your instinct to please others can impact your relationships and self-esteem.
Understanding these stress states can empower you to recognize your reactions when faced with stressors and paves the way for developing effective stress management strategies.
Each one of these responses has different levels. I like to think of it like there are “loud” and “quiet” responses. The loud ones are easy to notice, but the quiet ones can take time to learn and understand. I’ve shared some of my experiences with the quieter versions of these responses in case they might help you tap into yours.
Fight:
When you encounter a stressful situation, your body gears up for a fight! It's like a primal instinct to defend yourself when faced with a threat. Physiologically, your body releases adrenaline, giving you an instant boost of energy. Your heart rate increases, and your muscles tense up, preparing you for action.
Psychologically, the "Fight" response can trigger strong emotions such as anger, frustration, or determination. You might feel the urge to stand your ground, assert yourself, and protect what's important to you. Think “mama bear protecting her cubs”.
This response can be helpful in situations where you need to confront challenges or protect yourself, but if not managed properly, it can lead to aggressive behavior or aggressive emotional outbursts.
Flight
When stress becomes overwhelming, you may choose the path of flight. It's like a survival mechanism that urges you to escape from the perceived threat. In this state, your body goes into high alert mode. Your senses become super sensitive, and your breathing quickens to supply more oxygen to your muscles.
Psychologically, fear and anxiety dominate during the "Flight" response. You might feel the urge to run away, avoid the stressor, or seek safety elsewhere. While this response can be helpful in dangerous situations, it might also lead to avoidance behaviors, preventing you from facing and resolving the underlying stressors.
My body loves the flight response. I think it’s my primary stress reaction. I’m very good at avoiding things, people, and situations that feel stressful.
And, sometimes, my quiet flight response feels like itchy feet. It’s a funny feeling that took me years to recognize. It feels like a tingling in my feet and a desperate need to leave the room.
In the past, before I noticed this quiet sensation, I would just leave…but I didn’t have any clue I was avoiding situations. Over time I’ve realized that part of me wants to avoid emotionally charged situations, or even times that might trigger uncomfortable emotions in me. Realizing this has brought on the “itchy feet” sensation. Instead of just leaving, I’m now aware that my body is feeling the “flight” response, but it gives me the choice to leave or stay. I’ve had some of the best and most rewarding conversations when I choose to stay, so now I see my “itchy feet” as a way of knowing that things are about to get really interesting :).
Side note: it was a very good friend who first pointed out my flight/avoidance response. We had just had a fantastic conversation about real stuff, and she said, “wow, you’ve really changed”. I asked how, and she said, “you normally leave the room whenever the subject turns to something emotionally charged”. I had NO CLUE, I’m so grateful to that friend for pointing it out.
Freeze
In certain stressful situations, you may feel frozen, unable to respond or take action. The "Freeze" response is like hitting the pause button, and it often occurs when you feel overwhelmed or unable to escape the stressor.
Physiologically, your muscles tense up during the "Freeze" response, but your heart rate may decrease. This can create a sense of inertia or feeling stuck. Psychologically, you may feel overwhelmed, helpless, and uncertain about what to do next. The "Freeze" response can be beneficial in certain situations, allowing you to assess the threat and plan your response, but if prolonged, it may hinder your ability to effectively cope with stress.
My body used to go into the freeze response often, but again, I had no idea. One time, during a particularly stressful weekend, I was walking with two friends, one old and one new. The new friend suddenly sounded very stressed and kept trying to get my attention. I felt like I was miles away but couldn’t understand why he was so worried about me.
Then, my old friend (who I’ve known since elementary school) said to him, “it’s okay, she does this sometimes. She’ll come back in a bit”.
Later, when I felt more myself again, I asked them what had happened. The new friend said that I had shut down, like a robot. Like someone had powered me down and I was totally unresponsive. The old friend just shrugged and told me that it happens all the time. Huh, I had no clue!
Funnily and wonderfully, once I knew about my freeze response, I also started getting a little notice of it before it happened. It feels like a nudge of intuition and a feeling that I either needed to stay no, or I’d shut down.
This all happened about 15 years ago and I just asked my husband if he’s ever experienced me in that shutdown state as I haven’t felt that nudge in a long time. He hasn’t seen that happen to me. It’s made me realize how just noticing our responses to things changes our responses. The mind is so cool!
Fawn
The "Fawn" response is all about trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict at any cost. When you "fawn," you prioritize others' needs above your own, becoming a people-pleaser and appeasing those around you to avoid confrontation.
This response might involve going along with others' wishes even if it goes against your values or neglecting your own needs to maintain harmony. While the "Fawn" response may temporarily soothe tense situations, it can lead to self-neglect, erode your self-esteem, and create imbalanced relationships.
I have no stories about my experience with fawning. I’ve only recently learned about this stress response and I think it’s a major player in my life. I also think it really wants attention right now because shifting into the fawn state lately is feeling very uncomfortable.
Hopefully, I’ll have some stories about my experience with the fawn state soon. In the meantime, if you’re feeling like this might be you…I feel ya!
Overall, understanding these stress states helps you become more self-aware and mindful of your reactions. It's so helpful to be able to recognize when you are in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode to develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Next, we'll explore practical techniques to complete the stress cycle effectively, bringing you closer to a state of balance, relaxation, and resilience.
Got any questions or comments? Comment below, jump to our private Facebook Group, or the Ask Lisa page :).